Holy Friday

The decision finally had to be made about where to go for Pascha, but every time I tried to think about going somewhere other than STS I felt like I was drowning again. I decided not to do the "stand outside the building" thing again, out of the fear of repercussion against my husband. I got a call in the morning from our friend, who offered to go with us to another state where we could all celebrate Pascha with friends there. We decided that we couldn't handle the trip, the practical side of things was too much, between needing to care for the dog and worry about our teen son. But we still needed to decide on a place to go.

In the afternoon, the priest from the church that my friend suggested we visit gave me a call. He urged me to bring my family to visit his parish, and assured me that we would be welcomed. As he has done every time I've ever talked to him, he immediately called me out on my bullshit ("We'll be fine here." "Will you really be fine? Because you don't sound like you will be."). After that call, DH and I decided that we would go, if my son was ok with the decision. Between everything that needed to be done we didn't leave until around 7 pm. When we got into the car, someone remarked that services were just about to start at STS. I remembered that someone had sent me a link to live stream from Holy Transfiguration, so I pulled it up on my phone and we were able to watch the last half-hour of their service as we drove. It was a wonderfully peaceful and reassuring way to begin a journey that was undertaken due to the most stressful of circumstances.

We arrived at the rectory around midnight. I was worried that we would be intruding because of the time, but the friends that we traveled with assured us that it would be fine. And it was! We walked into their house and there were children playing on the floor and adults milling about and things cooking on the stove. We met family members, and were offered hugs and introductions and a beer. It felt so wonderful and homey!

After spending some time visiting, we finally left to go to our hotel. Being exhausted, I completely unpacked and got ready for bed before checking our bed for bedbugs. Then, right as I was about to check the bed, there was a knock on the door. Our friend that we were travelling with had come to tell us that their room had bedbugs. Sure enough, our room did too. I packed all of my stuff up faster then I have ever packed in my life! We were given new rooms (which we THOROUGHLY inspected!) and in short order I was unpacked again.

While I was traveling, a friend was doing a Tenebrae service at STS. He recorded it and sent it to me. So while I write this, I am listening to that service. I wish I could have been there in person, but this is now the second time today when I am extremely grateful for the technology that allows me to participate in services even though I can't be there in person. This is also the second time today that I genuinely WANT to experience services, even though I can't be there in person. I am very much looking forward to my next time when I can be in my church, surrounded by my community. Until that can happen, I will look forward to tomorrow, when I can be in a church with people that love and care about me.